IV. Confessions of a mistress: You can’t have him during holidays.

February 13. 7:46 pm.

“You didn’t have to.” He’s smiled at me. All the exhaustion from cooking and preparing a dinner for him faded with his smile. Seeing that smile makes all the effort worth it. I already know I can’t have him on Valentine’s day, but tonight is ours. I held his hand and led him to my dining table. His eyes are twinkling while the candle light is dancing in his eyes. I love his eyes. I was wearing his favorite dress. A navy blue with white polka dots. I can feel his eyes on my ass while I’m getting our food from the kitchen.

“You really did all of this?” He asked.
“For you,” I said. I am fidgeting. I’m not that great of a cook, but I learned a thing or two from my grandfather. He got his backpack and brought out a tequila.

“So.. You planned on getting me drunk tonight?” I said. He smirked at me. God, I love that smirk.
“Only if you promise to be a good girl and follow your master tonight,” he said. I gulped. Can I just melt right here, right now?
“I’m always a good girl. I promise.” i said.

He sat and settled himself in my dining area like he doesnt want to be anywhere else right now. I placed our food on the table. I cooked Caldereta for us. It’s basically sauteed beef with tomato sauce and potatoes. And then tendered using a pressure cooker. It took time and patience but I know it’s worth it. He smelled it while I stood at his side, waiting for his reaction.

“Wow.. It’s basically saying come and indulge. And I definitely would. Thank you for this honey.” He said while giving a quick kiss on my lips. He stood up and smirked at me.

“Now, face the wall and put your hands against it,” he commanded. I was stunned. “Don’t make me say it twice,” He added.

I immediately faced the wall and slowly placed my hands against it. I can feel the cold marble in my hands while his warm hands is on my tummy.

“Stick your ass out for me,” he said with a hoarse voice. God, my control will snap by just hearing his voice.

“Please,” I said while I wiggle my ass in front him. I can feel his hardness inside his pants. It always amazes me how attracted I am to him. He barely touched me and I’m already a mess.

“You promised to be a good girl,” he said. “You will get your reward soon,” he added with a kiss on my cheeks.

I felt his hand in my tummy, going to the lower side unto the hem of my dress which is about 4 inches from my knees. He raised the hem using his right hand while his left is slowly getting my hair out of the way from my neck. I am breathing hard. Why, this is so fucking hot.

I heard him gasp and I smiled. I know he knew I’m smiling but I don’t care. He discovered my little secret, lace.

I wouldn’t let myself be unprepared. 3 days prior to this moment, I bought a new pair of lace panties. Nothing too daring, but I found a black pair of lace bikini with a black bra designed with lace and ribbons. I can still remember the moment I went inside the lingerie store. I was blushing. When I saw it, I thought about what his reaction is going to be. The sales lady, bless this woman, was right when she told me that although this lingerie costs an entire month’s paycheck, this piece of clothing would be worth it.

“Fuck,” I heard him muttered more to himself than to me and felt his palms hit my ass cheeks. I heard myself gasp, feeling a bit of pain from his strike but I also felt my insides spasm. I love this man.

He suddenly held both of my hands which were still placed against the wall. I felt the other hand hitting my ass the again. I moaned a little to loud while feeling the exquisite pain. I bit my lip. I know I’m not supposed to be turned on by his assault but there’s something erotic about enjoying something you shouldn’t. Maybe I’m not a good girl at all.

I wiggled my ass again but this time instead of feeling his hardness, I earned another smack on my butt cheeks.

“Don’t move baby,” he said with a hoarse voice. I squirmed, a little impatient. I don’t want any preliminaries, I want him to fuck me against the wall as hard as he can until I scream.

“I need you,” I murmured, keeping my voice low. If I talk louder, he would know I’m desperate for him to fuck me.

“What a greedy little sweet thing,” he whispered on my ear. While still holding both my hands with his left arm, he buried his face the back of my neck and inhaled my scent. His other hand is removed my panties then removed my dress. With a quick snap on my bra, he was able to remove it as well.

He kissed me on my neck and bit the skin there. And there it is again, it was so painful that I cried out. Then his tongue soothed the skin to ease the pain so my cries were replaced with moans.

“Baby, please..” I said with a little desperation. “You are killing me,” I added.

“That’s good. You can now imagine what tou do to me,” he said.

What an exasperating bastard. I tried to move away from him but he kept both of my arms locked against the wall.

“Don’t. Move.” He said. His other hand pinched my nipples so I cried out again. “This is what you do to me. You frustrate me everytime I see you. I want you, and I don’t fucking care if this is wrong. I will have you anyway I can.” He murmured in my ears.

I moved around and face him. His lips were on my lips at that same moment. His tongue was demanding to take what he could get and I was more than welcome to give him everything I can.

His lips moved down to my suck at my neck. “You are mine,” he said while marking where his lips were. I moaned my agreement. I am fucking his. I felt his tongue playing with my nipples with the right amount of pressure and speed. He always knew what I need. I am about to orgasm by just feeling his tongue on my nipples when his mouth went down to my navel. I am hyperventilating. I knew what he’s about to do and I wanted it so badly.

His nose was touching my clit and I heard him inhale my scent. Down there.
“So fucking intoxicating, so fucking wet for me, this is mine,” he whispered with urgency in his voice.

What a wrong yet erotic thing to do. I placed my hand on his hair and I almost pushed his face to me. Almost.

“Tell me what you want me to do,” he said. I moaned in protest. I’m not the demanding one. I can’t, it’s so wrong to say the words out loud.

“Please.. I cant,” I begged.

“Say it or I will stop,” he demanded.

I cried out to him. I fucking hate this man.

“I want you to use your tongue on my pussy,” I whispered.

“Louder,” he said.

“Put your fucking tongue on my pussy!” I cried as I closed my eyes.

He smiled and was more than happy to comply. His tongue was on my clit within seconds and was moving on a fast rhythm. I knew then that I wouldn’t last long. The teasing part had been so damned intense and I can already feel my cream coming out of me. He increased the pressure of his tongue but this time inserted his middle finger on my pussy. I was surprised and was cursing a string of uncomprehending words. I didn’t know if I was praying or cursing, didn’t know if I was in being lifted to the heavens or brought to damnation. All I know that my upcoming orgasm will be the end of me. This man would be the death of me.

He added another finger, this time fucking me with two fingers and added pressure on my clit using his tongue.

“Open your eyes, look at me,” he demanded.

I opened my eyes and looked straight into his brown eyes.

I love you.

And I let go. All my inhibitions were gone and nothing else mattered. It’s just me and him.

Again, I had a moment to decide if I would give everything I have or not. My brain said I shouldn’t, but I gave up myself to him anyway.

“Yours,” I said with a cracked voice. I cleared my throat and repeated. “I’m yours baby,” I said with a sense of urgency. He knew what I meant. I need him. I don’t need any preliminaries, I want us. I want to feel us together.

“Fuck,” he said. He stood up, faced my against the wall. I felt his hardness entering me and I was a mess. I don’t know if I was cursing myself for being a wanton or praying to the god of heavens for him to fuck me faster.

He pushed our bodies against the wall and showed me how strong a man can be. His right hand is caging both my hands against the wall, while his other hand is on my clit, rubbing it in a fast rhythm while his lips is sucking on my neck. I can’t handle the pleasure. He kept me on the edge for so long until he push me off the cliff. I was shattered. Incoherent words are coming out of my mouth while holding on to his hands and feeling the cold marble on my palms.

I am his, there is no turning back. He ruined me for other men.

It took a while for me to recover. Any movement he make makes me shudder with pleasure. I haven’t experienced anything like this before. He took everything I can give.

He carried me to my bed. Kissed my forehead and went to the bathroom. Love, as my parents said, is a give and take relationship. My mom once told me to find the right person and never hesitate to give my everything because the right person would do the same for me too. If this is love I’m feeling, why do I feel empty after giving everything? Is it suppose to feel this way? I placed my arm on top of my head to cover my eyes. I felt the sting as the first tear fell on my left eye. He went out of the bathroom with a wet towel on his hand. He started to clean me up, to clear yhe evidence of our love making, hoping to erase the guilt that is starting to slowly creep on us. Why can’t I have him on valentine’s day? That’s because I know my place. Valentines is a day when forbidden relationships like this shouldn’t exist. It is a day for lucky women, so they csn celebrate the relationships they take for granted. I can love him too, maybe even better than she does.

He removed my arm, kissed my eyes and lies down with me, spooning me.

I turned and faced him. “Stay,” I murmured.

“Baby, you know I can’t.” He kissed the pulse in my arms to sweeten the sting of his rejection. I didn’t know this could be bittersweet.

“I can love you too,” I said. “You know I can,” I added, almost begging. I can’t help it. I’m now crying.

I can see he was taken aback. This was supposed to be purely physical.

He stood up, got dressed without a word. I was waiting for the rejection, I never expected him to leave his family for me. But I got nothing. Not a word, not even another look from him. As if I am worth even an explanation why we can’t be together.

I watched him go to the door, gently closing it. I sat up and looked at the window. It’s raining. I watched him get to his car. I watched the teardrops on my window play with other before falling.

Maybe it would be best, if we don’t say any goodbye at all.

III. Confessions of a Mistress: You can have more than a day, but not more than that.

“Are you okay? You aren’t usually this quiet.”

“Yes I’m fine.”

The hallway is empty, it usually is. I’m leaning on the wall beside the elevator door and I can sense him smirking infront of me. He took a few steps. Suddenly, his face is only a few inches away from mine.

He held my had while we wait for the elevator just outside the hotel room he rented. The other one is on the back of my neck while his trying to level his eye with mine. His eyes were on me but I can’t look at him. My heart is beating fast and I can feel the electric spark between us. It’s been a few months since we first met. Looking back, I realize there was never a dull moment that we lost this spark. It’s like a burning flame, always untamed unless we spend a whole night together. But lately I feel like a whole night isn’t nearly enough.

Sometimes I find myself at the middle of the day thinking about his hands on me and his breath on my neck. There was even a time I went inside a cubicle in a comfort room at work while he’s on the phone telling me what to do. I contemplated whether to touch myself or not. Guess which won.

That’s how he is to me. I know it’s wrong but how do you stop the way your body reacts to someone?

“I’ll miss you.” I told him. I can’t help it.
It’s not enough that I was with him last night. No matter how much I convince myself that this is nothing, I can never convince my heart that I am not afraid of losing him, even for a few days. Days that sometimes turn into weeks. I can literally feel the pain right now. I don’t wanna lose him even for another few days, I don’t want to lose him ever.

I first felt the electric spark between us before I realized he was kissing me. It’s not a sweet kiss. Although it was rough, I felt us communicating.

“I’ll feel the same way.” Yeah, right. Million thoughts are running in my mind. I just realized that what we feel, although forbidden, is genuine. What I feel about us is real. I can feel this never ending longing in my heart and my dampening panties are real for sure. As soon as I realized this, the fear of not seeing him for a few days crashed in me suddenly. The thought of him going back to his wife after this is something I shouldnt think about right now but I can’t help it. Jealousy. What a strong emotion.

And then I felt a stonger emotion, self hate. I hated myself for wanting him, for wanting something that isn’t mine, for allowing myself to fall for something impossible. For wanting him even though he belongs to someone else.

It’s hard, because I know what we’re doing is a lie. I remember someone told me, a single lie is enough to create a contagious doubt in every truth expressed. If he is unfaithful to his wife, how can I be assured he is to me?